Validate Before You Vent: The Holiday Survival Guide for Sensitive Souls (Part 2)
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Ever walk away from a conversation thinking… “Wait, what just happened?”
You know that feeling when your heart is pounding, your words came out wrong, and before you know it, you’re fighting over who left the casserole dish out? Yep. The holidays are the perfect storm for that. We’re tired, overstimulated, juggling a thousand things, and surrounded by people who know exactly how to press our buttons. But what if you could change the way those moments play out? What if instead of spiraling, you knew exactly how to come back to connection… without losing your cool or your voice?
The Magic of Validation (And Why It’s Not Agreement)
Let’s get one thing straight. Validation is not about saying “you’re right and I’m wrong.” It’s about saying, “I get how you see it that way.” That tiny shift changes everything. Because when someone feels heard, their nervous system calms down and the walls start to drop. Validation is basically emotional oxygen. Without it, the conversation suffocates. But with it, the energy softens, curiosity comes back, and repair becomes possible. I always say, you can’t collaborate with someone who feels invalidated. It’s like trying to dance with a partner who’s not even in the same room.
Why Validation Works Like a Charm
Here’s the science-y part (but don’t worry, I’ll keep it fun). When you validate someone’s experience, you’re signaling safety to their brain. The amygdala—the part that freaks out when we feel threatened—finally gets the memo that it’s not under attack. As Dr. Dan Siegel puts it, “What’s shareable is bearable.” Meaning, when our feelings are met with understanding instead of defensiveness, our entire system relaxes. Validation doesn’t just make communication easier… it literally rewires the body’s stress response.
What It Feels Like When You Practice It
At first, it might feel weird. You’ll want to jump in, defend yourself, or fix the problem right away. That’s normal! We’ve been taught to react, not relate. But once you take that pause, breathe, and say, “I can see why you’d feel that way,” you’ll notice a shift. The tension melts. The other person softens. Suddenly, it’s not you versus them anymore. It’s the two of you versus the problem. It feels calmer, more adult, and surprisingly… intimate. You’ll walk away feeling proud of how you handled it instead of emotionally hungover from another argument that went nowhere.
The Power of Collaboration
After validation comes collaboration. This is where you get to co-create a solution that actually works for both people. It’s not about compromise where everyone walks away a little resentful. It’s about partnership. You might say, “Hey, I see that you need space when you’re overwhelmed, and I need reassurance when I feel disconnected. How can we meet in the middle?” Collaboration turns tension into teamwork. It’s the moment you both start dancing to the same rhythm again instead of stepping on each other’s toes.
Why It’s Worth It
The more you practice validation and collaboration, the safer your relationships start to feel. You stop needing to win. You stop walking on eggshells. You start trusting that even if things get messy, you know how to come back to each other. That’s the kind of repair that builds real intimacy—the kind that lasts long after the holiday leftovers are gone.
Give It a Try This Week
So here’s my challenge for you… the next time things get tense, pause before you vent. Take a breath. Validate first. Then collaborate on what comes next. You’ll be amazed at how quickly the energy shifts when both people feel seen and safe. Relationships aren’t about perfection. They’re about repair. And every time you come back with compassion instead of criticism, you build a stronger foundation of trust, connection, and love. 💛
