Raise Before You React: The Holiday Survival Guide for Sensitive Souls
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Are you already mentally rehearsing your response to Aunt Sally?
You know that moment when you’re walking into a holiday dinner, determined to be calm and grounded... and then within ten minutes, someone makes that comment? Suddenly your jaw tightens, your stomach flips, and you can feel your patience packing its bags. Yep, I’ve been there too. The holidays can bring out the best food and the worst triggers. But what if instead of reacting on autopilot, you had a tool to help your body calm down and your mind catch up?
Understanding Regulation (And Why It’s Not About Being Calm All the Time)
Let’s get one thing straight. Regulation isn’t about pretending to be calm or ignoring your feelings. It’s about learning how to ride the wave of emotion without wiping out. When someone says something that stings, your body doesn’t care how many self-help books you’ve read... it just remembers every past moment you didn’t feel safe, heard, or respected. That’s your nervous system doing its job, trying to protect you. The goal isn’t to silence it but to guide it back to safety.
The RAISE Method: Your Go-To Reset Button
Here’s where my RAISE Method comes in. It stands for Remove, Anchor, Inquire, Stories, and Equilibrate. Think of it like your emotional GPS when your inner world starts spinning. You start by removing yourself from the trigger (hello, bathroom break), then anchor back into your body with breath or touch. Once you’re grounded, you can inquire about what just got stirred up, separate fact from the stories you’re telling yourself, and finally equilibrate... which is just a fancy way of saying bring yourself back to balance. You’re teaching your body, “Hey, we’re safe now.”
Why It Works (Science + Soul)
This method works because it honors how the nervous system actually functions. When you’re triggered, your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for reasoning and empathy—takes a quick vacation while your amygdala jumps into survival mode. By regulating your body first, you signal to your brain that it’s safe to come back online. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains that safety and connection are biological needs. You can’t logic your way to calm; you have to feel your way there.
What It Feels Like To Practice It
At first, it might feel awkward or even frustrating. You’ll probably catch yourself halfway through a heated conversation and think, “Ugh, I should’ve removed myself five minutes ago.” That’s okay. The more you practice, the faster your body learns that it’s safe to pause instead of panic. Eventually, it starts to feel empowering. You realize you can be in the same room with someone who triggers you and still feel grounded, centered, and in control. That’s power.
The Beautiful Benefits of Raising Before You React
When you regulate before you react, you stop letting other people’s energy dictate your peace. You communicate more clearly, set healthier boundaries, and recover from tough moments faster. Relationships get softer. Conversations get more honest. And you start feeling proud of yourself for handling things differently. Plus, your nervous system gets a little stronger every time you do it. That’s emotional fitness, and it’s worth every bit of practice.
Your Holiday Challenge (And a Loving Nudge)
This holiday season, try it once. Just once. When you feel that familiar tension rising, whisper to yourself, “Raise before you react.” Step away, breathe, anchor, get curious, and balance out your thoughts. You might be amazed at how quickly your body listens when you treat it with kindness. The holidays will always come with a little chaos... but with the RAISE Method, you can meet it with calm, confidence, and maybe even a smile. 🧡
