Fixing the Fight Before It Starts: The SHIT Method That Actually Works
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Ever walk away from a conversation thinking, “Wait... how did that become a fight?”
You said something that seemed totally fine, neutral even. But somehow, they shut down, snapped back, or decided to sleep in the other room... and you’re left standing there like, What just happened? That, my friend, is a communication misfire. And it happens all the time. Not because we’re broken, but because most of us were never taught how to clean up our messes in the moment.
That’s why I created something cheeky but seriously helpful: the SHIT Method. It’s a way to fix the fight before it spirals. Because honestly? A lot of our blowups are just misunderstandings in disguise.
What Is the SHIT Method?
Let’s get into it. SHIT stands for Said, Heard, Intention, Try Again.
It’s what happens when we slow down a conflict and get curious instead of combative. First, we look at what was said. Then we ask what was heard. Next, we get real about our intention. And finally, we try again.
Most of us skip those middle steps and go straight to defense or shutdown. We’re too busy reacting to slow down and ask, “Wait, what actually happened here?” The SHIT Method helps you do just that. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about cleaning up what went sideways... and getting a second chance at being heard.
Why the SHIT Method Works (Yes, Really)
The truth is, fights don’t usually start with what was said, they start with what was interpreted. Our brains are wired to fill in gaps using past experiences, attachment patterns, and emotional reflexes. So even if your words are calm, their nervous system might hear a threat. And suddenly... boom. You’re both spiraling.
This method works because it takes all of that into account. It helps you pause, reflect, and get honest about what was really going on underneath your tone or theirs. It creates a pathway back to connection without pretending the rupture didn’t happen.
What It Feels Like to Use This in Real Life
Honestly? A little awkward at first. It takes some serious self-awareness to stop mid-spiral and go, “Wait... I think we just slipped into some SHIT here.” But the minute you try it, something shifts. You feel grounded. You feel empowered. And you stop taking everything so personally.
It’s not about “letting them off the hook” it’s about giving you more clarity and peace. The SHIT Method gives you a way to take control of the conversation without steamrolling your own needs or theirs. It feels honest. And kind. And weirdly... kind of badass.
Real Benefits You’ll Start Noticing
Using this method won’t just save you from future fights, it’ll help you feel more confident in all your conversations. You’ll start recognizing patterns quicker, expressing your needs with more clarity, and giving yourself the grace to try again when things go sideways.
It also helps you stop internalizing every miscommunication like it's a character flaw. Spoiler: it's not. You're human. You're allowed to mess up. You're allowed to feel things deeply and still come back with compassion and repair. That’s what secure communication is.
Try It (Before Your Next Fight Finds You)
Next time you feel that moment of “uh oh,” try running through it like this:
What did I SAY?
What do I think they HEARD?
What was my INTENTION?
How can I TRY AGAIN?
Even just doing that in your own head (before looping them in) can shift the whole conversation. It’s like pressing pause on the chaos and choosing a better way forward.
Communication doesn’t have to be perfect. But it can be honest, curious, and clear. And when it is? Your relationships get way less confusing... and a whole lot more peaceful 💛 (A feel a little less like shit)
