Why Do I Always Feel Like It’s My Fault?
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Have you ever found yourself sitting in a spiral, wondering, Why does it feel like I’m always the one to blame? Whether it’s a partner, a friend, or even that coworker who can’t find her stapler (girl, please), it’s like the universe decided you’re the designated “bad guy” in every situation. But let me tell you right now... it’s not your fault. And you don’t have to keep carrying that blame like it’s your job.
The Blame Game is a Lie We Inherited
Here’s the truth: if you grew up being blamed for things that weren’t your fault, your nervous system started coding that blame as “normal.” It becomes part of the pattern. When something goes wrong, your brain says, Oh, it must be me. I’m the problem. But here’s the kicker... it’s not you. It’s the old programming talking. And what we don’t often realize is that we seek out that blame. We end up in relationships or situations where we’re the scapegoat, because it’s familiar—even though it feels like absolute garbage. It’s like we’re all walking around with invisible signs that say, “Sure, blame me for that too!” Ugh, no thank you.
Why This Works: Naming the Pattern Sets You Free
The magic starts when you see the pattern for what it is: a learned habit, not your identity. When you can say, Oh wait, this is me falling into the blame cycle again, it gives you a chance to pause. Naming it takes the power away from it. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, trauma patterns get stored in the body and repeat until we consciously interrupt them. So when you name the blame game, you’re actually breaking a loop that’s been running your life for years. That’s powerful.
What It Feels Like When You Start
Okay, real talk... it’s not going to feel amazing right away. When you first try this, it can feel like your insides are on fire. You might second-guess yourself, worry that you’re being selfish, or feel that old voice whispering, But what if it really is your fault? That’s just your nervous system freaking out because you’re doing something different. Breathe through it. Put your hand on your heart, and remind yourself... it’s not your fault, and you did nothing wrong. That’s your new mantra.
The Life-Changing Benefits of Breaking Free
Once you start breaking this blame cycle, everything shifts. Your confidence grows. You stop explaining yourself to people who don’t deserve an explanation. You make bolder choices. You ask for what you need. And you realize—holy crap!—you are allowed to take up space without constantly apologizing for existing. Your relationships get healthier. Your friendships feel safer. And most importantly, you get to build a life that actually feels good for you.
Let’s Be Done with Blame
So, if you’re reading this thinking, Oh wow, this sounds like me, I want to invite you to take a breath... and decide that today is the day you stop carrying that blame. You can start small—just notice when the blame spiral kicks in and gently remind yourself, It’s not my fault. That one simple shift can change everything. And hey, if you need a little extra support along the way, you know where to find me. Let’s rewrite this story together. You are worthy of love, safety, and peace... and it’s time you believed that too.
