What Your Shame Spiral Is Trying to Tell You
Do you ever feel gross after opening up?
Like you finally let someone in, shared something real, maybe even a little raw… and then boom. You’re replaying every word you said, cringing, spiraling, wishing you could climb under a rock. That’s the vulnerability hangover, and wow, does it hit hard. But here’s the thing I want you to hear before anything else: this reaction is normal. Like, deeply normal. And it doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
Why your nervous system freaks out after vulnerability
When you open up, you’re doing something incredibly brave. But if your nervous system was trained to believe that being seen is dangerous, it’s going to sound the alarm. Think racing thoughts, nausea, regret, shame. It’s not your fault. It’s not because you were actually “too much.” It’s just old programming firing off the second you get real. Your body is reacting to a past threat, not the present moment. And that’s huge to understand.
Oversharing isn’t attention-seeking… it’s connection-seeking
Let’s clear something up. Oversharing isn’t a flaw. It’s not about being dramatic or needy or “trauma dumping.” It’s about trying to create closeness. When you finally feel like someone’s listening, the floodgates open because you’ve been craving that connection. But if the other person hasn’t earned that level of access yet, you can end up feeling exposed. And that shame? It shows up not because you messed up… but because your system doesn’t trust that you’re safe being seen yet.
Don’t shut down. Slow down.
When people realize they’ve overshared, their first instinct is to shut it all down. Zip it up. Never share again. But that’s not the answer. What actually helps is slowing down and learning how to stay with yourself after you’ve been vulnerable. That means checking in with your body. That means surrounding yourself with safe containers — people who can hold your truth without judgment. And it means not judging yourself for needing connection in the first place.
Regulating through the spiral
Box breathing is one of my favorite tools to get back into your body when the shame spiral kicks in. Inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Repeat that a few times and notice the shift. You can also name what’s happening out loud. Try something like, “I noticed I shared a lot earlier and I’m feeling kind of vulnerable now.” That simple sentence? That’s modeling secure behavior. And if the other person responds with compassion, that’s a green flag. If they don’t, well… now you have more information.
You are not too much. You are healing.
I want you to practice staying with yourself the next time this happens. Instead of spiraling into shame, try asking, “Did I actually say something harmful… or am I just uncomfortable being seen?” That question has saved me so many times. It’s not about fixing the cringe. It’s about noticing it and choosing to show up with compassion anyway. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be messy and real. And you are allowed to be seen without having to clean it up afterward.
Let yourself be seen… even if it’s awkward
This is what healing looks like. Not perfection, not silence, not “getting it right” all the time. Just showing up again and again, with curiosity and softness, especially when it’s uncomfortable. So next time you open up and your stomach drops… breathe. Stay. You’re doing the real work. And I promise, you’re not alone in this.