The Truth About Breakups No One Wants to Tell You
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Why is It So Damn Hard to Get Over Him?
Ever feel like you should be over your ex by now, but your heart didn’t get the memo? You know that “just block him and move on” advice your friends throw around like it’s no big deal? Yeah... it’s not that simple. Let’s be real: breakups are messy. They’re full of unexpected grief, late-night social media stalking, and that awkward limbo where you’re not sure if you should text him “happy birthday” or let him wonder what you’re up to. I’ve been there. I’ve coached clients through it. And girl, it’s time we talk about what’s really going on when you can’t seem to let go.
The Breakup Brain Spiral: Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Him
Here’s the thing... your brain is a sneaky little trickster after a breakup. It craves connection, certainty, and answers. So what happens when a relationship ends? Your brain starts playing detective: scrolling through his Instagram, analyzing his story views, wondering if his “like” on your post means he wants you back. And if you’ve ever googled “how to win your ex back,” you’re not alone. I see you. I was you. The real issue? You’re stuck in the grief cycle, and it’s messing with your head.
Grief after a breakup isn’t just about losing him... it’s about losing the future you thought you had, the version of yourself you were with him, and the fantasy of how it could have been. That’s why you’re checking your phone every five minutes or tracking when he’s online (I see you spreadsheet queens... no judgment). It’s not that you’re crazy. It’s that you’re grieving, and no one told you that grief after a breakup is a real thing.
Why This Works: Shifting the Focus Back to You
Here’s the truth: you can’t logic your way out of heartbreak. You can’t shortcut the healing by playing games, manipulating him into missing you, or waiting for him to come crawling back. The real magic happens when you shift the focus back to you. Healing from a breakup isn’t about convincing him you’re the one... it’s about remembering that you are the one.
When you give yourself permission to grieve, get curious about your patterns, and ask the hard questions (like “What do I hope it means when he watches my stories?”), you start to see the cracks in the fantasy. You start to realize it wasn’t just about him. It was about how you felt around him, what you believed about love, and maybe... just maybe... what you were avoiding in yourself.
What It Feels Like to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex
Honestly? It feels terrifying at first. Like standing at the edge of a cliff and thinking, “If I let go of this hope, who even am I without him?” It feels lonely... because letting go of the fantasy means sitting with the reality. But then, little by little, it feels lighter. It feels like waking up one day and realizing you didn’t check his profile... and you didn’t even think about it. It feels like rediscovering what you actually like to do with your time, what you want in a partner, and what it feels like to be you without the story of him in the background.
The Benefits of Breakup Recovery (And Why It’s Not Just About Getting Over Him)
When you do the work to heal after a breakup (like really heal, not just slap a “self-love” quote on your feed and call it a day) you don’t just get over him. You get over the patterns that keep pulling you back into the same unhealthy dynamics. You stop chasing unavailable men. You stop making their attention mean something about your worth. You learn how to choose yourself, over and over again, and that makes you magnetic in a whole new way.
You’ll feel more confident in what you want, more clear on your boundaries, and more connected to yourself than you ever thought possible. And let’s be honest... who doesn’t want that kind of glow-up?
Ready to Let Him Go and Get Back to You?
If you’re sitting here thinking, “Ugh... I needed to hear this,” then I want you to know you’re not alone. Breakup recovery is messy, emotional, and sometimes a little embarrassing (hello, spreadsheet girlies). But it’s also the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself. So if you’re tired of the spiral, if you’re ready to stop waiting for him to text you back... let’s do this. Your life is waiting, and it’s going to be so much better than what you’re leaving behind.
