Why You Can’t Let Go

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What’s Really Holding You Back in Love? It’s Not What You Think

Ever found yourself stuck in a situationship that makes zero sense... but somehow, you just can’t quit it? Or spiraled over a text that never came, wondering why you feel like you’re 15 years old again waiting for a callback? Trust me, you’re not crazy, you’re not clingy, and you’re definitely not alone. The truth is, most of us have no idea what’s really holding us back in love ~ and it’s usually not what we think.

Attachment Fears Are Running the Show Behind the Scenes

Here’s the thing ~ we love to blame ourselves. We think we’re too much, or not enough, or just “bad” at relationships. But underneath all of that? There’s usually an attachment pattern at play. Maybe you grew up learning that love meant proving yourself or earning someone’s attention. Maybe closeness felt dangerous or overwhelming. So now, your adult relationships become this complicated dance of chasing, avoiding, or freaking out over every little shift. It’s not your fault. It’s your nervous system doing its job... it just hasn’t been updated in a while.

Why Your Brain Thinks Anxiety = Love (Spoiler: It Doesn’t)

If chaos was your baseline growing up, calm might actually feel boring ~ or worse, unsafe. So when someone gives you that hot-and-cold rollercoaster energy, your brain lights up like, Yup, this feels familiar. Must be love! But what you’re actually responding to is activation, not affection. That adrenaline, that urgency, that fear of being left... it’s your attachment fear flaring up. It’s not love whispering. And if you don’t know how to spot it, it’ll trick you every time.

How It Feels to Finally Name What’s Going On

The moment you realize, “Wait... this isn’t intuition, this is fear,” something powerful shifts. You might still feel the pull. You might still want to text six times in a row or replay that one weird moment over and over in your head. But now you have a name for it. And with that awareness comes choice. It’s not about changing overnight. It’s about practicing self-trust, one moment at a time. Expect a little discomfort. Expect your brain to beg for the familiar. But also expect relief. Because naming the pattern gives you power.

The Real Benefit? Freedom From the Shame Spiral

When you stop blaming yourself for your reactions and start understanding where they come from, the shame starts to melt. You realize you’re not needy... you’re healing. You’re not cold... you’re protecting yourself. You’re not crazy... you’re responding to a nervous system that just needs a little support. That’s when things start to shift. That’s when you begin building relationships from a place of security, not survival. And that’s where the real love lives ~ the kind that feels like peace, not panic.

You Can Break the Pattern Without Breaking Yourself

You don’t have to become a different person to have a healthy relationship. You just need to get curious about what’s holding you back. Ask yourself ~ what am I afraid would happen if I stopped chasing? What am I afraid would happen if I stayed close? These aren’t small questions... but they lead to big healing. So if you’re stuck in a loop, questioning your worth, craving connection but afraid of it at the same time ~ I see you. And I promise... you can feel safe in love again 💛


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The Truth About Breakups No One Wants to Tell You