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Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I know this isn’t about me,” and then still felt completely thrown off, hurt, or stuck thinking about it for the rest of the day? Because this is the moment where so many of us start questioning ourselves. We start wondering if we’re being too sensitive or if we should be further along by now (like… hello?? I thought I already worked through this 😅). And I want to say this clearly right up front… nothing is wrong with you.

The Gap Between What You Know and What You Feel

One of the biggest things I see, especially with smart, self-aware women, is this tension between logic and emotion. You can understand something on an intellectual level. You can say, “this isn’t about me,” or “they’re just having their own experience.” But your body is like… yeah, no, we don’t feel safe right now. Your nervous system is not operating on logic, it’s operating on memory and patterning. So when something even slightly resembles a past experience, your body reacts first and your brain tries to catch up after (which is why you’re sitting there like… why am I still thinking about this??).

Why Trying to “Not Take It Personally” Backfires

A lot of women come to me and say they want to stop taking things personally. And I get it, it sounds like growth. But most of the time, what’s actually happening is we’re trying to not feel. When you tell yourself you shouldn’t be affected, you’re not processing the emotion, you’re pushing it down. And emotions do not just disappear because we said “not today.” They hang out. They wait. They show back up later, usually louder (and at the worst possible time, obviously). So instead of trying to force yourself not to take things personally, we want to allow the feeling without letting it run the whole show.

The Shift That Changes Everything

The real shift is moving from judgment to curiosity. Instead of asking, “why am I still upset about this,” you start asking, “what is this trying to show me?” And I know that sounds simple, but it changes the entire tone of how you relate to yourself. It goes from harsh and critical to compassionate and curious (like… oh wait, we’re on the same team now?). Because your emotions are not random. If you feel hurt, something mattered. If you feel angry, something crossed a line. If you feel frustrated, something is not working anymore. Your emotions are giving you information, not creating a problem.

What It Actually Feels Like to Practice This

At first, this does not feel natural. It can feel slow and honestly a little annoying because your brain is going to want to jump right back into judgment. You might catch yourself thinking, “I should be over this by now,” or “this is not that big of a deal” (meanwhile your body is like… excuse me, we are not okay). That’s part of it. Practicing curiosity is not about doing it perfectly. It’s about catching yourself a little sooner each time and choosing a different response, even if it’s just for a moment.

The Benefits of Listening to Your Emotions Instead of Fighting Them

When you start listening to your emotions, everything shifts. You stop working against yourself and start understanding yourself. You get clearer about what you need and what you will not tolerate anymore. You stop chasing people who are not meeting you where you are (because suddenly your body is like… yeah, we don’t like this feeling anymore). And you start making decisions from a place that actually feels grounded instead of reactive. That’s where confidence comes from. Not from forcing yourself to feel differently, but from trusting yourself when you do feel something.

Try This the Next Time You Feel Triggered

The next time something happens and you feel that reaction in your body, I want you to pause. Just for a second. Instead of telling yourself to get over it, ask yourself, “what is this trying to show me?” Stay there for a moment and let the answer come up without forcing it. It might surprise you. Because the thing you’re trying to push away might actually be the exact thing guiding you toward what you need next (which is kind of wild when you think about it).