From Dancing on the TEDx Stage to a Bestseller: The Story of Dance of Attachment
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What If Your Pain Became Your Purpose?
You know that moment when life knocks you flat and you start to wonder if maybe the universe just has it out for you? Yeah, I’ve been there. In fact, Dance of Attachment was born right there... in the middle of heartbreak, confusion, and way too many late-night tears mixed with caffeine. It’s funny how sometimes the things that break us the most end up being the very things that shape who we’re meant to become.
Turning Heartbreak into Healing
When I walked onto that TEDx stage back in February 2024, my knees were shaking, my heart was pounding, and I had no idea what was about to happen. I wasn’t there to share research findings or data points. I was there to tell the truth about love... about how so many smart, capable, incredible women (myself included) end up doing the dumbest sh*t in relationships. The kind of stuff we know better than to do, but somehow can’t stop. That talk — “Do Attachment Styles Determine the Dance of Our Relationships?” — became the spark that turned my pain into purpose.
The Dance of Attachment
The truth is, our attachment patterns are just the ways we’ve learned to dance in love. Some of us do the Salsa of Uncertainty, twirling anxiously and trying to keep up with someone who can never quite meet us where we are. Some of us prefer the Solo Tango, dancing alone because it feels safer than risking rejection. And some of us swing wildly back and forth between craving closeness and pushing it away. But here’s the good news... you can learn a new dance. You can become secure, not by being perfect, but by understanding the rhythm you’ve been repeating and gently leading yourself in a new direction.
Why This Works
Healing works when we stop trying to think our way out of emotional pain and start feeling our way through it. Neuroscientists like Dr. Dan Siegel and trauma experts like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk have shown that healing happens in the body first. When we notice what’s happening inside — the racing heart, the tight chest, the urge to chase or shut down — we can begin to regulate our nervous system. That’s where real change begins. It’s not about memorizing attachment theory... it’s about learning how safety feels.
What It Feels Like to Heal
At first, it feels uncomfortable. It’s messy. Sometimes you’ll cringe at your own patterns, sometimes you’ll cry, and sometimes you’ll surprise yourself by responding with calm instead of panic. There’s this quiet moment that starts to appear, a pause before the old pattern kicks in, and in that space you realize... this is what healing feels like. It’s not perfect, but it’s peaceful. And it’s so worth it.
The Benefits of Dancing Differently
When you start to dance differently, everything changes. You stop taking things so personally. You stop chasing love that isn’t ready to meet you. You start setting boundaries that actually feel empowering instead of scary. Most importantly, you start to trust yourself again. That’s what secure attachment really is — self-trust in motion. It’s the ability to hold yourself steady while staying open to love.
Your Turn to Dance
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this entire journey, it’s that healing doesn’t mean you never struggle again. It means you recognize the rhythm before it takes over. You breathe. You soften. You choose a different step. So if you’ve been trying to “figure it all out,” take this as your invitation to stop thinking and start dancing. Your body already knows the way home. 🧡
