I Think I Want Out: How to Navigate a Marriage at the Breaking Point
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Are you on the edge of "I can't do this anymore"?
Okay... let’s just be real for a second. Have you ever sat across from your partner, looked at them mid-conversation (or mid-silent treatment), and thought, I don’t know if I can do this for another 20 years? If your nervous system has been screaming “get out,” while your heart whispers “but maybe...,” then you’re not alone. There’s a reason that sentence I think I want out hits so hard. Because when you’re in it, it’s not black and white. It’s messy. Emotional. And sometimes... completely overwhelming.
Separation isn’t failure. It’s data.
Here’s the big idea I want you to sit with: separation doesn’t have to mean the relationship is over. What if it was actually a strategy? A chance to pause the chaos and check in with what’s real? Dr. Becky Whetstone calls it a trial divorce, but not the kind where people go off the rails and ghost each other until the papers show up. No no. I’m talking about a structured, thoughtful break that’s meant to bring clarity, not confusion. It's about removing yourself from the pressure cooker long enough to figure out if what you’re craving is space to breathe... or space to leave.
Why the nervous system has everything to do with your relationship crisis
Here’s why this approach works: when your nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze, you literally can’t think straight. Like, your digestion slows down, your memory gets fuzzy, and your communication goes completely off the rails. You’re not broken, you’re dysregulated. And making huge life decisions from that space? Yikes. That’s how people end up divorced... then a year later calling their therapist saying, “Wait... can I get him back?” Separation with support gives your body time to settle so your brain can finally catch up.
It might feel like rebellion... then regret... then relief
So let’s be honest about what to expect. At first, space might feel like freedom. You might crank the music, hit happy hour, throw your phone across the room just because no one’s texting you “where are you?” And that’s fine! That “honeymoon phase of being single” is real. But eventually, it gets quiet. The initial high fades. And that’s when the truth bubbles up. Do you miss your person? Do you feel better on your own? Or are you still carrying the same emotional mess... just with fewer dishes in the sink?
Getting secure with yourself changes everything
Here’s the magic: when you use this space to work on you, everything shifts. Dr. Becky and I both talk about this a lot — how healing your own attachment wounds, getting emotionally mature, and learning to actually ask for what you want (without shame or guilt) can wake up a whole new version of you. Sometimes it inspires your partner to meet you there. And sometimes it shows you they never could. Either way, you win. Because now you’re choosing from a grounded place, not a frantic one.
Don’t wait until you’re past the breaking point
So if you're reading this with that “ugh this is too real” pit in your stomach... breathe. You don’t have to decide everything today. But maybe the most loving thing you can do for your relationship right now is take a step back and ask yourself what you need to feel calm, connected, and clear again. Whether you stay or go, you deserve to come home to yourself first. 💛
