Love Me Better: Why Wanting More Feels Risky
Want to listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify? Click on the SHARE (next to more info) option below and Enjoy!
Have you ever noticed how wanting more love can feel scarier than not wanting anything at all? Like the moment you admit you want more connection, more effort, or more reassurance, something inside you tightens and starts whispering that you should be grateful, patient, or easier to love. If that sounds familiar, you are not alone… and nothing has gone wrong inside you.
Why Wanting More Can Feel So Uncomfortable
So many women I work with are deeply self aware, thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent. They know how to be understanding. They know how to compromise. What they struggle with is letting themselves want what they want without immediately shrinking it down. A desire shows up and instead of getting curious, the internal negotiation begins. You override yourself before you ever understand what the want is actually trying to tell you. Over time, this creates confusion, emotional distance, and that quiet feeling of being unseen, even in relationships that look fine on the outside.
Why Letting Yourself Want Actually Works
Desire is not a demand. It is information. From a nervous system perspective, our wants are signals that point us toward connection, safety, and belonging. Research on attachment and emotional regulation shows that when we suppress or ignore these signals, the body stays activated and disconnected. When we allow ourselves to notice desire without immediately correcting it, the nervous system has a chance to settle and organize. This is where clarity comes from. Not from forcing answers, but from staying present long enough to understand what is true.
What It Feels Like to Practice Staying With Your Want
At first, this practice can feel awkward. You might notice discomfort, hesitation, or the urge to talk yourself out of what you want. That is normal. Staying with desire can feel vulnerable because it asks you to be honest with yourself before you manage anyone else. Over time, though, something softens. Your wants feel clearer. Less dramatic. Less urgent. You start to feel more grounded inside yourself instead of bracing for disappointment. It is a subtle shift, but a powerful one ✨
The Benefits of Letting Desire Lead With Honesty
When you stop shrinking your wants, relationships change. You communicate with more clarity. You feel less resentful. You experience more emotional intimacy because you are no longer abandoning yourself to keep the peace. You also become better at discernment, because you are responding to your desires thoughtfully instead of reactively. Love starts to feel steadier, calmer, and more nourishing instead of confusing or overwhelming.
An Invitation to Try This for Yourself
If you take one thing from this, let it be this. You do not need to want less. You do not need to become easier. You simply need to stay with yourself long enough to understand what you want before deciding what to do about it. Try noticing one moment this week where a want shows up and instead of shrinking it, just let it exist. No fixing. No judging. Just curiosity. That is often where feeling more loved actually begins 💛
