How to Get Clear on What You Want
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Have you ever sat there thinking, I should know what I want by now… so why do I feel frozen instead? You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. And you’re definitely not incapable. What’s usually happening is that your nervous system is trying to keep you safe while your brain keeps throwing shiny new ideas at the wall hoping something will stick. And that internal tug of war can feel exhausting.
Why Clarity Feels So Hard When You’re Afraid of Getting It Wrong
When you’ve been burned before, clarity doesn’t feel empowering at first. It feels risky. Because choosing what you want means you might have to say no to things that feel familiar… even if they’re unhealthy. So instead of committing, we keep things vague. We look at all the options. We entertain backup plans. We half decide and then stall. I see this all the time with work, relationships, and big life transitions. The confusion isn’t the problem. The fear underneath it is.
The Real Reason Getting Clear Actually Changes Everything
Here’s the thing most people miss. Clarity doesn’t magically make life easier. It makes life aligned. From a neuroscience perspective, the brain has a built in filtering system called the reticular activating system. It helps you notice what’s relevant and ignore what isn’t. When you get clear on what you want, your brain literally starts scanning for opportunities, people, and paths that match that decision. Research in cognitive neuroscience has shown that attention follows intention, meaning what you focus on expands in your awareness. When you’re vague, your brain can’t help you. When you’re clear, it can.
What It Feels Like When You Start Practicing Clarity
At first… uncomfortable 😬. You might notice anxiety, second guessing, or the urge to over explain your choices. That’s normal. You’re breaking old patterns that were built around survival. But then something shifts. You start feeling steadier. Decisions take less mental energy. You stop spiraling every time a new option pops up. And instead of asking, Can I handle this? you start asking, Does this actually work for me right now? That’s a very different place to operate from.
The Emotional and Practical Benefits of Knowing What You Want
When you’re clear, you’re less likely to settle. You waste less time. You protect your energy. You feel more confident advocating for yourself without needing approval. Studies on goal setting, including research on SMART goals, show that specific and realistic goals increase follow through and reduce emotional overwhelm. But beyond the science, there’s a felt sense of safety that comes from knowing where you stand. Clarity helps your nervous system relax because it knows the plan… even if the plan evolves later.
Why You’re Allowed to Change Your Mind Without Losing Trust in Yourself
One of my favorite reminders is this. Clarity is not a life sentence. It’s a snapshot. You’re allowed to choose something for this season and reassess later. Getting clear doesn’t trap you. It frees you from constant mental noise. You’re not failing if you pivot. You’re learning. And when you treat clarity as an experiment instead of a test, everything softens.
An Invitation to Try This for Yourself
So here’s my invitation. Pick one area of your life where you’ve been stuck in “maybe.” Work. Dating. Boundaries. Energy. Ask yourself what you actually want right now, not forever. Let that be enough. Watch how your body responds. Notice what shows up. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to stop abandoning yourself in the process. Start there… and let clarity do what it does best ✨
